dr_aspartame

haha good old sadistic, cynical smiths' lyrics..
still havn't really told my parents im going to soundwaves.... not the smartest of all moves, but I will tonight.
hopefully it will all be "YAY JAKE WE WOULD LOVE YOU TO GO".
fingers crossed

I think I have created myself an emotional blackhole and what it is doing is sucking in everything and spitting it out as a form of negative or paranoia.
Maybe im being greedy in wanting things that I don't have...
Maybe I should be grateful, but in full truth I don't think to kindly of myself...
any critisicm I get beats down on me hard like getting all the oxygen hit out of you by a wave then not being able to breathe because your trapped in its watery tomb.
apart from that I actually feel quite good after all thats happened, I think I can make it how I want, how I see things, how I plan things to be in the future for me...
who I am...
But I just have to forget trying to be who im not because that is just me trying to fit in, trying to show people that Im not weird or a homo or a freak like they said I was...
this all probably started in primary school, when I got bullied alot and in the first few years I didn't have proper friends.. only ones who used me.
that might explain why Im the dropkick dormat I am today.
I did become friends with people who were amazing and didn't give a shit if it wasn't 'cool' to do what we were doing.
although this was primary school it sort of helped me realise I didn't have to be like everyone else. I could do my own thing.
hmm maybe I should stop telling my life story in a LJ post. although I probably would realise alot more if I wrote it all out haha.
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I wrote a new song yesterday, it is pretty angry but I needed to release my anger.
it doesn't go long .. grungey/punk sorta sound.
its not intended to appeal.
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how are you earth?
I love how you put up with our shit, im sorry.
although its probably to late, I feel your pain...
I hope you don't kill yourself, we would miss you if you did.
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